So I'm in Minnesota. Well technically not at this moment in time. But I've been living in Minnesota since the end of August. To be blunt, I'm freezing. I moved to Minnesota for law school (perhaps a bad life choice? we'll delve into that later) and needless to say I am out of my element. Mentally, physically, geographically, spiritually, all of it. Minnesota has me all out of whack. But I'm starting to get it right, I think.
I think when I moved to Minnesota for law school I was angry. That anger was a facade that was definitely masking some serious panic and fear. This was definitely not the path I had for myself, and definitely not where I thought I'd end up but I'm trying to embrace the Minnesota years and get the most out of them before I get the fuck out.
To fully understand the Minnesota years you first have to understand that I moved there with never having even SEEN the place, no idea if I could get through law school, no family, and definitely no friends. Since then I've been to practically every mall in Minnesota, have successfully made it through my first semester of law school (grades still not posted, maybe I spoke too soon), and have made 2 friends. It wasn't easy, but I made it through.
This got me thinking about whether some people are predisposed to insecurity or fear. I once read that on average a human has 60,000 thoughts a day. That's a lot. How many of those are fearful thoughts, ugly thoughts or just plain insecure thoughts? For me, some days, it's probably 50,000. Not everyday, but definitely some.
I've been told several times by several people that when they first met me they thought I was a total (excuse my french) bitch. Does this stem from insecurity? Who knows. It surely is not my intention, and I don't think it's who I am (at least not every day). I never make new years resolutions because I can barely keep my apartment clean and finish my homework on time, but this year I'm going to try. I'm going to try to smile more, and care less. I'm going to try my hardest to make sure those 60,000 thoughts a day are constructive and important and not as insignificant as those insecure thoughts tend to be.
